Tag: love

Learning to Love My Breasts: Going Braless 101

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Three years ago I decided to stop wearing bras.

Yeah, I just stopped.

First summer going braless. Look how happy I am! FREEDOM!

Growing up, the demarcation of being a woman was having breasts.  Like, BIG ONES.  I figured because everyone in my family had BIG ONES that I’d have BIG ONES.  And, girl, was I mislead.

For a very long time, my breasts were a great source of insecurity.  They were the focus of my comparisons with other women.  I thought of myself as less of a woman because I have small breasts.  I never believed a lover when they said they liked them or when they said that they preferred small boobs.  Nope, in my mind they were just saying that to make me feel better.  It never did make me feel better because I didn’t like my boobs anyway.

When I was 21, I decided that I was going to start liking my boobs.  I noticed a customer at work had small boobs like me and she didn’t wear bras.  I had an epiphany!  I wasn’t going to wear bras either.

So I stopped wearing bras and decided that I was going to start thinking nice things about the small lovelies on my chest.

I stumbled upon this article about the perks of going braless (get it? perks?).  Besides going braless to feel better about my chest, I learned that there was a good chance I was doing my humps some good!

It took me a long time to accept them.  For a while, I liked them when I looked at them in the mirror, but the minute I could compare them to anyone else’s, I did and I would not feel happy about them.

Now, things didn’t just magically get better after going braless.  For a while, I was comparing how my braless boobs looked to chests that were wearing bras.  And I was like “Oh, poor me.  My boobs are so small.  Waaah waah.”  But then one day I put on an old bra just see how it looked and WAAA POW!  My boobs looked BIG!  And then I realized something I already knew – bras are an illusion.  DUH.  All this braless time up to this point I was down in the dumps comparing my boobs TO PEOPLE WHO WERE WEARING BRAS.  THIS MAKES NO SENSE, SELF.  And this was the tipping point for me – I realized that I didn’t really know what other women’s breasts looked like.  I only knew what the media was showing me in porn and Playboy and magazines.  THIS WAS MONUMENTAL FOR ME.  How could I compare myself to other women when one – they are all wearing push-up bras or regular bras, two – I didn’t know what anyone’s boobs actually looked like, and three – I didn’t wear bras to even know what I looked like in a bra.

So then I had to actively decide to stop comparing myself to others.  Which was hard, but a very possible thing to do.

Life with my chest got ONE MILLION PERCENT better after this.

Living braless is a way of life for me now. I don’t even think about it. Unless I’m writing a blog about it, of course.

I still have moments where I find myself thinking negative things, but they are few and far between.  When these times happen, I have to actively tell myself to be kind to myself.  It works. And then I pat myself on the shoulder for being nice to me.

EVERYONE LIKES LISTS, SO HERE’S A LIST ABOUT GOING BRALESS

  1. Do it for you.  Don’t do it for anyone else.
  2. Do it because it feels good and right.  Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel right for you.
  3. Sometimes people will notice, especially when you’re cold.  In time this will not bother you.  Guys’ nipples poke through their shirts all the time and no one cares.
  4. Sometimes undershirts are nice (like when you were a little girl, before you needed to wear bras).  They’re nice when a shirt is a little see through and you’re not ready to show the world the color of your nipples, too.
  5. You might notice how lop-sided you are.  That’s ok.  Nearly all women are.
  6. Here’s an article about what a woman learned when she went braless for a week.

Body Positive Playlist – Take Two

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One of my first posts ever was a “body-positive” playlist created by BuzzFeed.  At the time, I thought it was a good list, but I’ve changed my mind.

Here’s the playlist from BuzzFeed:

  • India.Arie, “Video”
  • Corinne Bailey Rae, “Put Your Records On”
  • Pink, “So What”
  • Jason Mraz, “The Beauty in Ugly”
  • MIKA, “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)”
  • Christina Aguilera, “Beautiful”
  • Destiny’s Child, “Bootylicious”
  • Right Said Fred, “I’m Too Sexy”
  • Beyoncé, “Check On It”
  • Cyndi Lauper, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”
  • LMFAO, “Sexy and I Know It”
  • Alanis Morissette, “Perfect”
  • Jason Derulo, “It Girl”
  • Lauryn Hill, “Doo Wop (That Thing)”
  • Robyn, “Konichiwa Bitches”
  • Bif Naked, “I Love Myself Today”
  • En Vogue, “Free Your Mind”
  • “Big, Blonde and Beautiful” from Hairspray
  • “You Can’t Stop the Beat” (also from Hairspray)
  • Mary J. Blige, “Work That”
  • Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back”

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of these songs are great and fun to listen to, but I disagree with the emphasis that BuzzFeed put on “beauty” as being “body-positive.”  Let’s take this article, for example – “Not Everyone is Beautiful”.

“Not Everyone is Beautiful” challenges the notion that we should be basing our self-worth and self-positive thoughts off beauty.  As it says in the article, we don’t say “Everyone has a pleasant laugh” or “Everyone is athletic to somebody” or “You are an amazing writer whether you know it or not.”  Why do we say everyone is beautiful?  Why is the standard for making a person feel good about themselves have to be about beauty?  We say “You are beautiful inside and out.”  I think what could meant by this is “You are a compassionate and loving individual” – so why don’t we say this?  Why don’t we base our worth off things that will last a lifetime?  In time, my skin with sag, wrinkles will take over my face, I will lose my teeth, I may get age spots, I will gain weight – I won’t be “beautiful.”  But I will still have a warm personality, a good sense of humor, and compassion for people and animals and the earth.  Yes, I am beautiful, but that’s not the greatest thing about me.  I’m also strong and ambitious and a hearty conversationalist.  So, let’s tweak this “body-positive” playlist to be more “self-positive” – because we need to credit our minds, not just our bodies, for making us who we are.  Any song mentioning beautiful is coming off the list automatically – I’m opting for songs that are more descriptive in defining what makes us awesome. Beauty is a cop-out.

I’m also going to try to make a list that isn’t so heteronormative.  So any song that is about a woman being better now that she’s not with a man – yeah, that won’t fly.  I want as many people to relate to the list as possible.

“I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen

I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie”

“Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.”

  • Pink, “So What” – Nah.
  • Jason Mraz, “The Beauty in Ugly”
  • MIKA, “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)”
  • Christina Aguilera, “Beautiful”
  • Destiny’s Child, “Bootylicious”
  • Right Said Fred, “I’m Too Sexy”
  • Beyoncé, “Check On It”
  • Cyndi Lauper, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”

“That’s all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls – they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun”

  • LMFAO, “Sexy and I Know It”
  • Alanis Morissette, “Perfect”
  • Jason Derulo, “It Girl”

“You could be my it girl
Baby you’re the shit girl
Lovin’ you could be a crime
Crazy how we fit girl,
This is it girl
Give me 25 to life
I just wanna rock all night long,
And put you in the middle of my spotlight
You could be my it girl
You’re my biggest hit girl”

(This one is on the verge of not making the list, but I like that he uses other adjectives besides just saying beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.)

“I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I’m cool, I’m calm
I’m gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
‘Cause it’s your last look
Your last look forever”

  • En Vogue, “Free Your Mind”
  • “Big, Blonde and Beautiful” from Hairspray
  • “You Can’t Stop the Beat” (also from Hairspray)
  • Mary J. Blige, “Work That”
  • Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back”
  • Andy Grammer, “Keep Your Head Up”

“But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh

I know it’s hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh”

“Wait a second,
Why, should you care, what they think of you
When you’re all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?

You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don’t have to change a single thing

You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don’t have to change a single thing”

“You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause, baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe”

“Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me”

“You’re vulnerable, you’re vulnerable
You are not a robot
You’re lovable, so lovable
But you’re just troubled

Guess what? I’m not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I’m not a robot, a robot”

“Our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral
Offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say,
“I only know how to exist when I am wanted.”

Girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know
We’re used up and we’re sad and drunk and
Perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up and tell us that we did good
Well, you did good.

You are worth more than who you fuck
You are worth more than a waistline
You are worth more than beer bottles displayed like drunken artifacts.
You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim in the shadows,
More than a man’s whim or your father’s mistake
You are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4
You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood
It is wisdom
You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out
Reborn”

“What’s your middle name?
Do you hate your job?
Do you fall in love too easily?
What’s your favorite word?
You like kissing girls?
Can I call you baby?
Yeah, yeah”

Do you have any that you would add or delete?

Learning to Love Your Period: Inspiring Blood Talk

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This image has gone viral, and it couldn’t have at a better time.  Not only did I write my first “Learning to Love Your Period” blog last week, but I’m also bleeding right now.  I think it’s time for me to get back in touch with my photographer side, set up the tri-pod and depict what bleeding means to me.  (And if you haven’t read the article yet or seen all the images —> http://www.scoopwhoop.com/news/insta-photo/?ref=social&type=fb&b=0)   What bleeding means to Rupa Kaur – her images include bleeding on the sheets (above), splattering in the shower, washing these sheets, and sitting on the toilet changing her pad.

Her images all reflect normal life for those of us who bleed.  If you’re a person who has periods, there’s a 150% chance that bleeding on the sheets has happened at least once, if not 85 times before.  Bleeding in the shower – yep.  Washing the sheets – yep.  Changing/cleaning whatever product of choice to soak up your flow – yep.

In my photoseries, I would depict an eco-menses.  I would add photos of:

  • dropping a full Diva Cup on the bathroom floor (but do I really want that to happen again?)
  • my fingers after putting my Diva Cup in
  • handing washing my cloth pads
  • machine washing my cloth pads
  • perhaps watering my plants with my collected Diva Cup blood (would this be called “blooding” vs watering?)
  • wearing my cute bloodstained HareBrained period panties
  • a blood stain I left on my partner’s bed
  • splattering on my really really cute bathroom rug
  • some used cloth pads

Will I share these?  Not sure.  They might just be for me.  But maybe I’ll share them with you, too.

Bleed on, my fellow bleeders!

Self-Love: Pole Dancing Edition

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Taking pole dancing/fitness lessons has been the single most important self-love act that I have done for myself in my twenties.  Not only has it been a confidence booster concerning my sexiness and self esteem, but I’ve also slimmed down, gained and toned muscle, gained ab definition, strengthened my Kegel muscles, and increased my flexibility.  I attend Miss Pole dance studio in Madison, Wisconsin, and I have so many good things to say about it.  The instructors are great, the classes are affordable, and the students are supportive, caring, and wonderful accountability partners. Check out their site if you happen to be in the Southern part of Wisconsin.

Home

Here’s a little taste of what I could do during Pole Level 2.

Pole 2

I took a step up and did a sit.  My thigh skin is holding me up there – it’s all about conditioning!

Current Goals

  • Touch my toes.
  • Do three reach aboves in a row.
  • Tighten my “Drama Queen.”
  • Do the Flag.
  • Back swing with Right arm.
  • Barrel of Monkeys.
  • One-handed back swing.
  • Rockstar.

I have so many goals in pole – and I reach about one a week.  This makes me feel great.

Having a pole in the middle of my living room is helpful, but so is having the ambition to actually use it.

Here’s some home pole shots:

Pole 3 On the left is the Barrel of Monkeys I mentioned, a Pole 3 move.  I can hold it like this.  The trick is being able to do this in a spin.  I’ll get there.

Invert

This is my invert!  Another Pole 3 move.  Now, going from here is where things get tricky for me.  The move I’m trying to get down is hooking my top knee on the pole and reaching up above it with my right hand.  This is the reach above.  From here I could go into a rock star, stand straight up, and sooo many other things! But first, I need to get this down.  I’ll get there. =)

The biggest lesson I’ve learned in pole is TO BE PATIENT WITH MYSELF.  I was always the Type A perfectionist who wouldn’t do something unless she could do it correctly and efficiently the first time.  Luckily, college happened, I learned I wasn’t the smartest person in the world, and I slowly grew out of this mentality.  Now, I have patience with myself.  I am kind to myself.  I know I’ll eventually get these moves down.  It’ll happen.  Maybe not as quickly as I like, but what’s the fun in progress if it doesn’t take some work to get there?

Climb on, my sisters!

Learning to Love My Period: Having an Eco-Menses

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Aunt Flo. Shark Week.  Girl Flu. Leak Week. Riding the Cotton Pony. The Red River. That time of the month.  Pele’s Eruption (my personal title). Whatever you call your period is up to you.  It’s also up to you how you treat yourself during your period.  A lot of women seem to hate their menstrual cycle.  It has this stigma of being horrible, dreaded, messy, gross, smelly, painful, and unclean.  But periods are a fact of life for most women.  And damn it, I LOVE my period.

I’ll give three important reasons:
1 –  Pele’s Eruption lets my know that my innards are functioning correctly.

2- She lets me know that I’m not pregnant.

3 – She validates those previous week’s thoughts of “THAT’S why my nipples have been SO SORE” or “THAT’S why if feels like my abdomen is REVOLTING” or “THAT’S why I ate that entire box of Oreo’s.”

That being said, I argue that a woman doesn’t completely love herself until she learns to love her period (or at least make nice with it).  Hands down.  This may seem way out there, but making periods fun is possible.  I have fun with my period every month.  The pain of cramps reminds me that I am human.  Those horrible waves of abdominal agony bring me back to my body, into the moment.  As for the mess, I have found a few ways to have a little fun with it.  I’m going to share those with you below.

First things first, I’m all about having a eco-friendly period.  I don’t use dispoables EVERY time (though I do have organic tampons scattered in all bags, jacket pockets, corners of my car – because your NEVER know if Pele is going to have a mind of her own and ERUPT out of NO WHERE.)  Anyways, years ago I got hooked on cloth pads.  I’ve gotten questions about them being bulky – nope, they are cloth, so they just feel like underwear material.
Party In My Pants, a business in my home state of Wisconsin, makes THE BEST cloth pads.  Please check these out

http://partypantspads.com/

My Cloth Pads

My Cloth Pads

The designs are freaking ADORABLE and, damn it, I like bleeding on something cute that’s meant to be bled on for once (unlike all the super cute pair of undies I had that I did not mean to splatter on. Sigh.)

Secondly, DIVA CUPS.  (Some people prefer Moon Cups or Soft Cups – same idea!)  I love my Diva Cup.  I love her, sometimes I hate her, but mostly I love her.  I am super in touch – literally – with my bloodshed.  I know how much I bleed, I know I can go hours upon hours without having to change it, I know that my period blood does not inherently smell.   Another great thing about this lovely friend is that it shortens my period by about two days.  How is this possible?  Think about when you’re bleeding – your lady fluids trickle down the entire inside of your vagina, getting stuck in little nooks and crannies along the way that will hang around and keep your flow super light, yet super stainy in the end.  With a diva cup, your lady fluids drip right in to the cup.  No distractions for that lady color to hang out.  Just – bloop! – right in the cup.  I MUST ADD – I hate my diva cup sometimes because sometimes I still fudge up the insertion process.  By the end of day 1 I get the hang it of again, but I do need a few test spins (literally) before I get her up there correctly.  Practice makes perfect!

Find those here —>  http://divacup.com/

WARNING: You will have to get in touch with your lovely vag, your lovely blood, and the lovely times when you’re learning to use it and it spills all over your lovely bathroom floor.

THE FUN CONTINUES!  I have the Paragard IUD, so for the first year when my uterus, Pele, and Ingrid (as I like to call my IUD) did not get along, I had to deal with spotting, month long periods, and irregular bleeding schedules.  I was looking for a product that would help me on those days when a cloth pad was too much, a tampon was WAY too much, and my Diva Cup was unnecessary.  (You know, those “brown” days?)  I found something that has worked for me for the most part.  Thinx Underwear is basically a built in pantyliner.  Certain styles can even hold a little more than that.  I use these for my brown days, for my heavy flow days as back up to my diva cup, and for my light days when I don’t feel like a pad or sticking anything inside of me.  They also go to a good cause.  NOTE: These run small!! Go by hip size!!

Find those here —-> http://www.shethinx.com/

WARNING: Wearing these undies ALL DAY when you’ve got some lady drips going on can cause some funky smells to happen, despite what they say on the website.  I recommend not wearing them ALL DAY.  (Not that I’ve done this or anything …)

BUT NOW FOR THE MOST FUN OF ALL – THE PERIOD PANTIES TO END ALL PERIOD PANTIES!  THE MOTHERLOAD OF ALL THAT IS FUN AND PAINFUL AND AWESOME AND NOT AWESOME ABOUT PERIODS – http://harebrained.storenvy.com/
These are the funniest underwear I have ever owned.  I stumbled upon these a year or so ago, but they were sold out of everything because everything is freaking hilarious.  “Crime Scene,” “Cunt Dracula,” “Sour Puss,” “Aunt Flo,” “Bleeder of the Pack,” “Evil Beaver” – all names of the undies depicting rage and blood and hilarity.  I suggested they come out with a “Pele’s Eruption” and even got a handwritten comment of “That’s hilarious!”  Hopefully they take me up on it.

Another awesome feature of the HareBrained Period Panties is that the inside is lined in black.  No need to worry about stains – granted sometimes it is nice to know what’s going on down there.  Either way, these patterns are a great way to have fun with your period!

NOTE: Also go by hip size with these undies!! I usually wear a medium in undies, but with these I got an XL because I have more junk in the trunk than I realized!

Thanks for reading!  I hope I was able to shed some insight into the wonderful word of eco-perods and LEARNING TO LOVE YOUR PERIOD! AND LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF!!!

Love and hugs to everyone – BLEED ON, MY SISTERS!!!